It means everything and nothing

Dear inner circle friends,

Another few weeks have passed and work has literally swallowed my life for a while.

It is incredible to observe the mind and the body surrounded by society and culture and norm and how one responds to it.

As most of you know I am currently residing back in Germany working in a hotel close to Bonn in my first profession (first in this lifetime). This hotel is anything but ‘normal’. It is extraordinary in many regards and the demands of transformation on many levels are huge.

Yet I feel drawn to be here and to help lift the incredible heaviness and darkness that surrounds Europe currently. I feel that Germany has a vital role to play to find a ‘new’ way of living, working, communicating, transforming. The old wounds are so obvious here.

My first impression on the plain sight level is how many new cars are on the road. It may be a trivial thing but I can’t get over the fact how many people get into debt just to drive the latest model of some car. For me a car was always a vehicle that brought me from a to b. Here it feels like a status symbol. The second thing I notice, especially working in a hotel with lots of German customers, is the negativity of Germans (yes I don’t like to generalize yet make an exception here). Often I think what do they complain about? They have a house, a car, lots of food, time to travel and money to travel , beautiful nature and the first thing is to complain about some minor detail. I often surprise, even shock them with my responses.

After a little while I notice how easy it is to get swamped by that cloud of negativity when one is tired or exhausted. And then one may end up in that cycle of just working, working, working and complaining. I have a deep understanding of how that can happen now and how easy it is at a place like this.

However as you know I walk the talk and since I am here to transform on all levels I am very honest with myself in that field. I noticed how I did get unbalanced, cynical and even aggressive. I am not hard on myself. I just experience those as I call them states of energy without putting any judgments on them or me. And I feel the huge difference that makes. I can BE aggressive at times and BE o.k. with it. I can be Cynical at times and be o.k. with it. And I notice that those states of energy are as valid as the states of joy and fun.

2 pointing allows me to not only get back into balance at any given moment but also to see  the bigger picture, to be able to observe without judgment and to reflect and be honest with myself and others.

Those moments that I experience a state of energy that you may call negative that have an influence of my relationship with others can be so enlightening once expressed, instead of being suppressed.

It feels like all is being brought to the surface to be observed, to be recognized, to be appreciated and to be accepted: AS they are As it is As we all are.

And one by one, one thought by thought, one story by story, one relationship by relationship I learn to fully accept everything that is as it is _ including myself.

Why am I telling you this?

When I started this journey and came across 2 pointing I had a vested interest in the outcome of my transformations. I have come to learn and experience that there is simply layer after layer of ‘truths’ or untruths to be uncovered. Every time the perspective changes. The truth goes deeper and deeper yet becomes simpler and simpler.

Truth is so personal. It means different things to different people. Yet it is VALID. Whatever is your truth is valid. The simplest form is really energy or information or light or god, whatever you may call it.

The gap between understanding and experiencing who and what we really are and the realization of the human experience or human game or illusion (again it does not matter what you call it) is closing.

When I work with someone I now very quickly ‘see’ or feel the human story (block) and then when I facilitate the process of transforming it a whole new film is running. I see the bigger picture often in the culture first, and then humanity then old archetypal stories and all of a sudden all make sense.

We are all connected, we are ONE, we are everything and we are nothing but an idea or an illusion or a dream. The mind or brain struggles to accept that or even admit the possibility of it. The word nothing has too big a connotation.

Nothing and everything are judgments when used in a different context. I simply mean I ‘see’ that I am connected with everything and have an experience of this most amazing journey that we call life. I can see that all is only as important as I make it.

And then there is this final piece of the puzzle that I call life. This life that is the human experience. That drives all that is, that creates all that is in my mind and in my heart and in the universe. And that I feel is pure light or pure love or a word that has no meaning and can’t be explained yet is the invisible force we all come from and use, some more consciously than others.

As you know I am very practical. So what does this all mean in my daily life now? I think that the most important aspect is or are relationship/s. Any relationship is like a sub story of the illusion, the personal truth of what we make life out to be.

So when I fight with someone, I fight with my own truths, my understandings, my beliefs, my judgments of how this relationship should be. The gap between my expectations, that are created somewhere in my mind by the beliefs that I have accepted, and my ‘reality’ are constantly causing different states of energy ( emotions), that in turn I have learned to like or dislike. ( and judge!)

When I had my first big fight with ‘him’ it all had to do with my expectations of how I thought he should have reacted instead of what he did (or I should say I assumed he did…again assumed based on past experiences). Even though this may sound complex it is all getting so very clear and simple to me.

I am glad I had this fight. It brought up so many of my patterns of behavior in that situation as well as a lot of beliefs about relationships. And he could even show that and express that right into my face. In that moment I felt all lonely, lost, despair and sad at the same time. Then I realized that it was not just my pattern but that of humanity which made the field huge and the pain almost unbearable. And the simple solution was to experience this as it is,… a state of energy. No judgment. Let it pass (it too shall pass) and then talk about it honestly. I learned soooo much from that one fight that I ‘assumed’ would end my friendship with him altogether (as it would have in the past)

And then I saw too how simple humanity could solve problems too. By just seeing a fight as a state of energy and a clashing of two perspectives and the gap of expectation and ‘reality’ (expectations based on past experiences that are created by past generations). Oh how we must love to play this game to repeat it over and over and over and NOT get it!

My truth is to stay open, to trust, to expect the best, to look for the strength, to offer unconditional love and support (without giving myself up). Because that is the simple truth of quantum physics: I can only experience what I send out. I can only experience what I resonate with. I can only experience what I believe is possible.

I am getting better with that step by step, day by day, relationship by relationship. I am o.k. with the progress I make. I am o.k. with the gaps that I still experience. I am o.k. with my own ‘faults’. I am o.k. to say sorry when it is due. I am o.k. to listen to the other perspective and am o.k. to simply state how I see or feel things instead of blaming or accusing.

And I finish today with one of my favorite poems that say a lot of what I am experiencing.

Overall: I am at the right place at the right time and am so very grateful for ALL experiences and the colorful facette of this dream that I call life.

Yours truly and lovingly

Catrin

Desiderata 

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story. 

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. 

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism. 

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass. 

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself. 

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. 

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. 

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy. 

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.